The Ice King – 2: The Kiss

The Ice King doesn’t speak, and I don’t ask; the questions are too many, too small: too trivial by comparison.

I feel my body tremble, not with fear, not with cold; with unfamiliarity? I look him in the eyes, and their glint reassures me: I want his power to be absolute, but benign.

As I take off my heavy boots and both pairs of socks, I expect the ice under my feet to sting or to burn me, but with my eyes on him still, and his gaze still steady on me, there is only the glow that expands from inside my spine.

I take a step towards him, and his presence feels no longer silent, it hums, or so my mind makes me believe; in truth he lies still and alert, and my breathing is no longer shallow: I want to melt into him, meld with him, and as I step closer, he sits up just enough to extend his hand and bring me into his orbit.

Now the colours, the touch, the sensations, the heat from within, the cold from without; this surface I lie on is as hard as polished marble, this skin that I breathe is softer than ermine, but his grip and his hold and his motion are firm; no longer can I tell what am I and what he, my focus is gone, the ice and The Ice King, the light and the scent are all one; I dissolve into it, into him, into the fire of him in me; into the ice that is no longer chill but a mould of clean edges that envelop us like multiple layers of soothing gauze, like everything ever imagined but more, and more real, like losing myself, my thought and my fear, like everything ever felt but not known, like owning the universe through being owned, desiring only being desired, like being The Ice King through being his, not wanting not pining not longing not hoping not dreading not doing not acting not willing not giving not taking not talking not buying not selling not looking forward and not thinking back, not imagining and not dreaming. Being and ceasing to be all at once in the now and forever.

The Now. The Forever. We breathe. We hold on to each other. I think I smile, but I can’t be sure. He tilts his head back and exhales. I feel his breath on my neck and bury my face in his shoulder. The light is orange and blue and a bit purple too, and we are embedded in the ice that feels now as if it had melted and made a pool of clear water that seems to flow warm, although this may just be the pulse in my temple and the beat of his heart and the protective embrace of his arm and the comfort, the comfort of him.

We lie thus for hours, or so it seems, as I drift in and out of awareness, and The Ice King is deep in my mind, quiet and quite majestic. I know I can’t stay here but nor can I leave. I bathe in the silence, but words are bubbling inside me. I want for nothing now, but I wonder how deep, how old, how immaterial is the ice. I lift my head to look at his face, in repose. His lips are not of this world. I hesitate. I pause. I cannot ask permission. I cannot resist. I kiss him.


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{Amble}

he is walking quietly

slowly

across the bridge which spans over

his restless despair

*

the river

looks so wet in the rain

and the birds in the water

have brought joyous pursuit they

have clear meaning but they confused it

with sacrifice

*

he is walking aimlessly

slowly across the sky while his neglect

is fixed on the ground, such a wonderful

heavensent shower this is it is

soaking the mind

it’s a worldly world it’s a bridge he

walks across it’s a water worth in

reality only a smile

slowly he walks

*  

the haze doesn’t clear yet

in the distance but as the soothing liquid

is running outside and inside

his hopeful body his temper

has lost its

imagination

what a pity ooh

and his fingers gently touch the railing

if only someone had seen

that at this time he was an Angel.

*

the light shone through my eyelids straight into my soul into my central nervous system

and i asked the lamp post standing next to me

isn’t life full of complexity

the answer i received was fluttered

and overwhelmed, aghast, it burned out

and my palms were suddenly

becoming a pillow

so i rested my baffled nose and cheek and second rib

while slowly he was

crossing

the bridge

*


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The Ice King – 2: The Kiss

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{Connexum}

not the essay, just the idea

not the notion that everything is connected, that is not new

and not the question

how connected is everything

but the question

how

if everything is connected

is everything connected

.

if things are connected

there must be something that connects them

.

and for many things that are connected

we know what that is

we can see it, measure it, build it, make it

we can name it:

the axles the shafts

the electric current the

data the code and the signal

.

but what about things that are connected and we

don’t know what it is that connects them

what about

quantum entanglement

for example, albert einstein’s

spukhafte fernwirkung

what about that?

.

there is no doubt that things are connected of which

we don’t know how this is

and

if things are connected

there has to be some thing that connects them

even if that is

a thing we have not detected

a thing we have not yet detected and so not yet given a name to

a thing we have not yet detected but may yet find

we can find

.

that would give us

three things in principle:

energy

information

and the third thing

the thing that connects things

for which we don’t yet have a name

but we have

maybe

names

for manifestations of it

the strong and weak nuclear forces

the electromagnetic force and the force of

gravity

.

what if these forces are to the third thing as

light sound heat motion are to the first (energy)

and as

data code and semantic content are to the second (information)

what if that third thing is a thing in itself

that exists and that is

as yet only

partly

understood

.

as humans we like sets of threes

trios, triumvirates, trinities

they give us a deeper reality

.

at first glance we seem to be living in twos

in the binaries of

male/female

plus/minus

hot/cold

dark/light

day/night

yes/no

1/0

.

but it only takes one thought to know

that

neat and simple as this looks and sounds

it is patently not our

reality

our reality

here too

needs a third component each time:

.

male/trans/female

plus/neutral/minus

hot/tepid/cold

dark/twilight/light

yes/maybe/no

1/anything in between/0

.

even yin and yang are not a duality

but a symbolic expression of the way apparent opposites complement each other as part of

the same

.

and this

is when it gets really interesting, when

dualities are not augmented by that which is in between

but are understood as the whole:

.

yin/same/yang

.

for which the quantum equivalent then could be

on/on-and-off-at-the-same-time/off

.

what if

we’ve always known this to be the case

and have expressed it in many ways

the elements of

the same the other and the essence

in plato’s timaeus

the father the son and the holy spirit

anicca, dukkha, anattā:

impermanence

suffering

non-self

.

what if that third thing

the essence, the holy spirit, the non-self

is

in principle

the thing that connects

everything

.

the third thing

the thing for which we don’t yet have a name but that exists and that

we most likely

will find and be able to identify, a

.

connexum?

Counsel

‘Enlightenment,’ proposes Sedartis, with troubled eyes turned toward mine, ‘does not keep on its own, forever, sweet, like honey in a jar; it needs nurture, refreshing; the darkness around it is strong, and it forever encroaches. Without care, the flame will go out: the flame of enlightenment requires our hearts, indeed, our soul; you live in a soulless world where your science and your money have made you sceptical, cynical.

‘You do not believe in a soul, because your science has not found a measure or word for it yet. Be not so hostile, my friend’—this is the first time Sedartis addresses me ‘friend’—‘to things you can’t see, you can’t measure, you can’t understand in your mind: being so would be arrogance supreme. Generations before you thought not things would ever be possible that to you are now commonplace, why would you assume that today you know everything?

‘Allow time to infuse you with humility and passion in equal measure. And feed, forever, with these the light, as, if you do not, it will go out; but if you do,’ his eyes now newly aflame, ‘the light conquers darkness for certain, and always, just as it must.’


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